Thursday, July 16, 2009

Insomnia it's Not

Just a fair warning, this post may veer into PG-13 territory. Also, my cousins might give me the ol' sideways glance the next time I see them. (A few read this blog)

In this age of WebMD self-diagnosis I feel pretty comfortable saying that I am a sexsomniac. "A sexsomniac?", you say. Yes, a sexsomniac. This doesn't mean I'm addicted to a rare form of Japanese porn featuring narcoleptics. It's a sleep disorder akin sleepwalking, but instead of walking, friskiness occurs in bed with no recollection of said friskiness in the morning, or ever. I'm just thankful that thus fair only a very mild, somewhat infrequent, and abortive version of this condition has manifested itself in my sleeping behavior. (For instance, check out this Newsweek story filed this year. Bruised genitalia from furious masturbating while sleeping? Sexual assault allegations? Lacerations and bruising from the rough sleepsex? Apparently the sex is usually much rougher during sleepsex. I've had none of that happen.) Vesper came across the name of this condition, sexsomnia, 5 or 6 months ago and I've been thinking about it ever since.

Take for instance two nights ago. (This is Vesper's recollection. Couldn't very well be mine, could it?) It's been VERY warm here in Seattle this week so we've been sleeping with the ceiling fan on. A few hours after we fell asleep Vesper sat up to adjust the fan. While she was fumbling with the chain I bolted upright, quickly and assertively removed some of her sleeping clothes (along with mine) and began to be quite frisky. Then, a few minutes later I mumbled, "You too tired for this aren't you?" and promptly rolled over and went back to sleep. The next morning while I was making our lunches she came into the kitchen and started talking about the incident. I had no idea what she was talking about. I still don't. I've been (a)roused from a fit of sexsomnia while in the midst of the beginning stages of friskiness, but I still can't remember instigating anything. It's like I've been dropped into the middle of a scene in a movie or play that I haven't seen or been part of the beginning of. It's a very VERY odd sensation. (For both of us I suppose.)

To our combined recollections I've never fully lived up to the intercourse part of the sexsomnia. Sexual acts, not sex itself, has been our experience. It happens fairly infrequently as well. Maybe every month or two. Sometimes I've gone half a year with any sort of incident that either of us can remember. All I know, is that every once in a while I wake up in the morning with no clothes on, or in a very intimate embrace with my wife and I have no idea what the hell is going on.